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Schizophrenic Playhouse

by SOCCERMOM WITH AN AK

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1.
Flock 06:52
2.
Real and counterfeit magic Real and counterfeit magic I used to see so clear Now all I see is static Real and counterfeit magic Real and counterfeit magic Soccermom with an AK Yeah I'm a crazy bastard Hello Is there anybody behind this door? I'm about to explode I've been trapped in here all alone I know that you're here I know that you're here If you're gone Then why do you keep whispering in my ear I know that you're here I know that you're here If you're gone Then why do you keep whispering in my ear When I was ten years old mama taught me to fly When I was fifteen I taught myself how to die Now I've died so many times that I don't even try Don't even cry Don't say goodbye But I can still smile Yes I can still smile When your image like an arrow Comes and pokes me in the eye For many I would die But for you I would live And if life doesn't cut it Then I'll give you a kiss I know that you're here I know that you're here If you're gone Then why do you keep whispering in my ear? I know that you're here I know that you're here If you're gone Then why do you keep whispering in my ear? We are never nothing Always something After all Has come and gone You're never wrong 'Till you fall Feet on the ground Don't be a clown When you're small And after all The sun is found on shaky ground The sun is found on shaky ground The sun is found on shaky ground I'm a crazy bastard And we are never nothing Always something After all Has run its course There's so much more Have a ball Dress without a care Finally wash your hair Do it all For a real laugh Misplace your old mask Take the fall 'Cause after all The sun is found on shaky ground The sun is found on shaky ground The sun is found on shaky ground I know that you're here I know that you're here If you're gone Then why do you keep whispering in my ear? I know that you're here I know that you're here If you're gone Then why do you keep whispering in my ear? Am I a God or a seer Or just another creature Watching my life pass me by From the top seat of the bleachers? If only I could scream and run naked down the street If only I could scream and run naked down the street If only I could scream and run naked down the street If only I could scream and run naked down the street Erratic masochistic outcast with an automatic Wreaking havoc on myself while my family sees me laughing Am I a God or a seer Or just another creature Watching my life pass me by From the top seat of the bleachers? If only I could scream and run naked down the street If only I could scream and run naked down the street If only I could scream and run naked down the street If only I could scream and run naked down the street Erratic masochistic outcast with an automatic Wreaking havoc on myself while my family sees me laughing
3.
We Are Trash 03:50
4.
5.
Good Day 04:08
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Chrysalis??? 07:08
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8.
9.
Come Over 03:56
10.
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Travelling to and fro Travelling to and fro Trying to find a home In the sunlight I loved you the most But it's two years and then I go Leaving everyone behind Maybe it will work this time Maybe it will work this time I I won't have to run To a place I'll never find Imaginary sunshine blinds my eyes Travelling to and fro Travelling to and fro Trying to find a home In the sunlight I loved you the most But it's two years and then I go Leaving everyone behind Maybe it will work this time Maybe it will work this time I I won't have to run To a place I'll never find Imaginary sunshine blinds my eyes
13.
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I'm chasing lovey dovey money 'Cause that's all that we do Always it'll make me happy but I don't think that's true I got a funny feeling I'm gon' die before I catch you because the lovey dovey money got my mind feeling funky we're the Burger King generation raised up on a slogan "you can have it your way" but not today you can wait for now just follow our broken words, letters, life sentences and it will get better if you buy our BRAND SPANKIN' NEW EXTRA LARGE SYNTHETIC PECKERS

about

This is an album of rupture with no center or unity. The subject who made this album has been many different people during the years in which these songs were produced. Hardcore techno, lyrical indie rock, hyperpunk, and harsh melodic noise are all bunched together in a monstrous assemblage. The only genre that might seem to fit is "experimental," since even though not all of the songs are "experimental" in themselves, the grouping of all of these songs together makes the album as a whole experimental.

The name of the album, "Schizophrenic Playhouse," plays upon the popular conception of the schizophrenic as containing a multitude of subjects inside themselves, as well as contradictory desires and fits of delusion.I was diagnosed with schizophrenia two and a half years ago, and my experience has greatly differed from the popular conception. Truly, there is no single schizophrenia for the masses, let alone a schizophrenia for a single person since each day presents new intensities, rhythms, and mutations. Still, I can't help but have a bit of fun playing the "schizophrenic artist with thoughts you couldn't even imagine" character. "Schizophrenic Playhouse": sounds edgy right?

Of course, it is not all play: some of these songs were recorded during a time when I was not even sure the people I was recording with actually existed. Other songs were produced in a haze of anti-psychotics when it felt like only the harshest and most chaotic noises could break through the pharmaceutical wall and make me feel something.

Since then, I have become much more "stable," the only true prerequisite for that seeming to be "the ability to be a productive member of capitalist society" (i.e. I am now able to hold down a job). But I am also more stable in another, far more important, sense. After years of grasping for some foothold in the slippery realm of psychosis and delusion, the terror of my personal experiences with schizophrenia has gradually become a boring nuisance. I am now ready to explore other subjects through my music.

In that sense, this album is a goodbye letter to the part of myself that was defined by schizophrenia. I now look forward to discovering new ways of being in the world, as well as new ways of making music. Still, the ecstasy and horror of rupture, as well as the sincere joy of experimentation, that pervade this album will be a part of me and my art for a long time yet. I hope it makes you feel something.

With love,

SOCCERMOM WITH AN AK

credits

released January 26, 2023

Cover Art by @powergridpsyche

Mastered by Zach Sch

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SOCCERMOM WITH AN AK Virginia

SOCCERMOM WITH AN AK is a U.S. born producer and visual artist. Their work, which includes award-winning short films, photography, and music, all push the boundaries of their mediums.

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